"It's not about the movies"
"Fried
Green Tomatoes" (1991), Directed by Jon Avnet
This film started out on a high note as far as I am concerned. The opening scene played out next to an abandoned café in a small abandoned town. Kathy Bates was sitting in her car as her husband made a call on an abandoned pay phone that apparently, was in better shape than most pay phones in Manhattan.
Kathy was just sitting there minding her own business when she heard the sound of a train barreling down the nearby track. She turned; fully expecting to see said train and discovered that the tracks were empty.
This experience immediately captivated me since I, too, have heard things that aren’t there. In fact, just this evening, I was driving along the George Washington Parkway. I had just dropped off my friend, Herb, at his tiny apartment. Herb is just an acquaintance, nothing serious. Just between you and me, Herb is broken record. All he talks about nowadays is that new-fangled pill that gave him back his “manhood.” Jeeze, to hear him go on, you’d think his stupid “manhood” had been stashed away in the lost and found closet and all he had to do was peek in, rummage through some old knickknacks until he found it, then scoop it up and stick it in his pocket.
Anyway, that’s beside the point. Where was I? Oh yeah, hearing things that aren’t there. After drooping (er, I mean, dropping) off Herb, I experienced an attack of the old wanderlust. I got on the parkway and pointed my car north. I had no map, no destination and no cares.
After a couple of hours, I started to get a little sleepy so I decided to pick up the next hitchhiker I stumbled across, thinking that maybe a good conversation would keep me awake until the next town.
It wasn’t long before I spotted him on the side of the road. He had a beard and straggly long hair and it appeared that he was wearing a long robe. I pulled over and he hopped in the back seat.
Well, let me tell you, if I thought picking up a hitchhiker was the antidote to sleepiness, I couldn’t have been more wrong.
The guy was a non-stop talking machine. I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. All hopes of having a decent conversation blew out the window on the hot air that was spewing forth from the back seat.
And, what do you think his topic of conversation was? Nope, not pills or manhood, it was about a movie!
Apparently, he had just seen a film in the last town that had just bowled him over. He said it had everything you could want in a film, action, murder, love and even a hint of cannibalism.
He went on and on and on until I just couldn’t take it anymore. My ears were ringing and my head was pounding. I pulled off the parkway and headed in to a small town just north of the New York border. My intention was to find a nice populated place and ask my “companion” to step out of the car.
We no sooner turned on to the main street when he started yelling excitedly, “There it is! There it is! There it is!”
As it turned out, “it” was the movie he had been rambling on about for the last 50 miles. He begged me to stop in front of the theater and join him in watching the film again.
By this time, the combination of the “centerline serenade” of the parkway and his inexhaustible yapping had taken its toll. He talked me into it.
Actually, I just figured it would give me a chance to get a little shut-eye. I figured I could ditch him in the dark just before the movie ended.
We took our seats in the balcony. He insisted on sitting on the end seats of the third aisle. I have no idea why and I had no intention of asking him.
The lights lowered and I made myself comfortable using my rolled up coat as a pillow. The film started.
I sat down and looked up at the screen. The title faded in, “Fried Green Tomatoes.”
There was Kathy Bates sitting in a car next to an abandoned café in an abandoned town.
I turned to the hitchhiker to ask him something and…much to my surprise…his seat was empty. He had disappeared. I checked out the lobby and I walked up and down the aisles looking for him. It was pointless. He had just vanished.
Or…had I just imagined him? Did he really exist or was he conjured up by my sleepy mind to make sure I made it to the next town safely.
I laid my head back, took a deep breath, closed my eyes and though, “Who the heck cares? I’m gonna’ catch me some Z’s.”
~How to make Fried Green Tomatoes~