"It's not about the movies"

"Road to Perdition" (2002), directed by Sam Mendes

I went to see “Road To Perdition” because I was curious about Tom Hanks.  But contrary to most critics, I wasn’t interested in whether or not Hollywood’s “Mr. Nice Guy” could play a morally distasteful character.  I am a great admirer of Mr. Hanks and I feel that he is a gifted actor that could handle any acting assignment in a competent and believable manner.  He could probably even play the part of a guy in drag living in an all-woman dormitory because his previous apartment building was torn down and he and his roommate had to find a way to save money on their rent.  But the chances of a show with such a ridiculous premise even being seriously considered for production, let alone as a vehicle for Tom Hanks, are infinitesimal.    

No.  My purpose in seeing his latest movie was not to get a measure of Mr. Hanks’ acting abilities. I was there to get a measure of his head size.

I have noticed an interesting phenomenon that has afflicted many men in the acting profession.  As their careers progress and they grow older, the size of their heads increase.  This strange pattern appears to be restricted to male actors, however.  If anything, actresses’ heads seem to get smaller as they age (although this may be more related to hairstyle that actual physical shrinkage).

There are many instances of unusual head growth among male actors.  For instance, take Robert Young.  Early in his career he played the part of Jim Anderson on the TV show, “Father Knows Best”.  If you compare the size of his head on that show with the noggin he was balancing on the end of his neck decades later on “Marcus Welby, MD”, I am confident you would immediately see the difference.  How about Jimmy Stewart in “It’s A Wonderful Life” compared to his later poetry reading appearances on the Tonight Show in the 1980s?  See what I mean?  Let’s try another.  Andy Griffith on “The Andy Griffith Show”, little head; Andy Griffith on “Matlock”, big head.  See how it works?  Just for fun, after you finish this article, try a few of your own.  I guarantee it will change the way you look at actors.

Anyway, since Mr. Hanks is now in his forties and is most likely mid-way through his successful career, I wanted to see if the phenomenon could be observed mid-stream, so to speak.  And I am sad to report that it appears that Tom Hanks has a noticeably larger head than he had in his earlier movies like “Splash” and “Big” (in which, ironically his head was little).  In the movie “Nothing In Common” where he teamed up with Jackie Gleason (another example of the growing head theory), his head is tiny compared with his gigantic cranium in “Perdition”. 

Mr. Hanks’ co-star, Paul Newman, is another story, however.  The relative size of his head has remained fairly constant throughout his notable movie career.  I think this almost works to his character’s detriment in the movie.  There is a major scene where both his and Hanks’ character go head-to-head against each other.  Although Newman’s character is portrayed as much more powerful than Hanks, in the two-shot scenes in which both actors are seen together, Hanks’ head definitely gives him the upper hand.

The growth rate of Tom Hanks’ head is definitely cause for concern.  Given the rapid progression he has already experienced, it would be easy to envision a future in which he will need special support apparatus just to keep his monstrous skull upright.  Obviously, this will have a tremendous impact on his acting career and the types of roles he will be able to play.  He may have to sacrifice the leading man image and reduce himself to playing mainly character parts, and mainly characters in carnival sideshows.  Unfortunately, historically, this is not a common setting for motion pictures so it will not generate steady employment.  The best Mr. Hanks can probably hope for is a continuing role in a television series about sideshow freaks.  In fact, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all.  Hmm…two guys who are trying to save money on their rent join a carnival sideshow after their apartment building is torn down.  Get me my agent!  I’m putting together a script on spec.  Is Peter Scolari available?  Silly question, of course he is.

“Road To Perdition” rating:  5 thumbs (one for the story, 4 for the head)