"It's not about the movies"

 

 

 

“The Golden Compass” (2007), directed by Chris Weitz

  Now, I have to say at the outset of this review that I am not partial to movie trilogies of any kind.  They have proven time and again to be heavy-laden, over produced failures.  Of course, there are exceptions to every rule.  A few years ago, there was some big hoopla about a Lord of the Rings (or some such name) trilogy.  I can’t speak to that since I never bothered to see them, but I seem to remember some one associated with them winning some kind of award.  But this is all beside the point.  As I said above, I am not partial to trilogies.

Given that, I find myself in the uncomfortable position of returning a favor to my old friend Phil Pullman, the author of the book upon which this movie is based.  Thus, this review. 

I caught the midnight show.  My eyes were a little bloodshot and my head felt like it was stuffed with Styrofoam pellets (there must have been too many olives in my martinis that night).  Anyway, I parked myself in the back row and tried to keep awake.

Phil and I go back quite a ways.  He was the son of my cousin twice removed (or was it three times removed…anyway, who’s counting?) He was always getting into some kind of trouble at that Catholic school his mom insisted he attend. That Phil, he was such an irascible scallywag.  He didn’t like the nuns and he wasn’t bashful about letting everyone know about it.  The animosity all stems back to the time in 6th grade when, as punishment, he had to write a thousand word essay about why he shouldn’t run on the playground after the class alarm rang.  Phil submitted an essay that read like the visual equivalent of a stutterer’s nightmare.  The essay began with the sentence, “I should not run on the playground after the alarm rings be-be-be-be-be (an onward for another 970 “be’s) finally finishing with “be-cause I would get stuck having to do another one of these stupid essays.”  Needless to say, this did not go over well, although it is rumored that his parents secretly lauded his creativity. His relationship with the Sister Superior of the school went downward from there.  And based on his portait of the monolithic Nation-Church, The Magisterium, in this movie, it looks like he knows how to hold a grudge.

It was nice to see that Phil had not lost his sardonic touch when it came to spiritual issues.  The world that this movie inhabits is obviously an archetype of Hell.  What else would you call a place where its inhabitants are followed around by their “souls” in the form of animals?  Imagine having to spend your whole life cleaning up after your soul.  And what if your soul happens to be an elephant?  Is show business really worth that sacrifice?  (Sorry, that’s an old joke and at my age that’s pretty much all I have rattling around in my head anymore.)

Another issue I had with this strange alternate universe was that fact that Polar Bears could talk.  Now, I’m all for stuffing a coke bottle in a polar bear’s paw and turning him into an icon for a multinational corporation, but giving them the gift of talk and human reasoning is going a bit too far.  Why, that’s more than our president can boast of!

And then there was the problem of Daniel Craig, the new James Bond…with a beard no less!  I could tell it was him because he had the look of “new money” that a successful franchise can bring.  Anyway, his screen time was short.  I’m assuming that 007 will have much more to do in the inevitable sequels.  Maybe, his job will be to protect the British Empire from the ever-growing “Soul-Poop Crisis.”

Anyway, there was also some nonsense about a compass that came with no instructions, brainwashed children, gobblers, flying witches and dust, of all things, but I was already asleep.

  My rating:  1 thumb (this is only the first in a trilogy after all)