"It's not about the movies"

"Michael Clayton" (2007), Directed by Tony Gilroy (who?)

There is an old Hollywood story that has circulated for years.  It seems that Jack Warner, president of Warner Brothers Studios, used to love to tell of the day that one of his granddaughters, after watching back-to-back showings of “Public Enemy” and “They Drive by Night,” asked him if the whole world was in Black and White back in those days.  Jack is said to have replied, “Just the stars, honey, just the stars.” 

No one knew quite what Warner meant by that remark but the story was always met with thunderous laughter.  That’s not surprising since Jack always surrounded himself with the most obsequious butt-kissers this side of the Los Angeles River.  There’s a reason that Chapstick was the highest priced budget item for middle managers during the Warner regime.

Anyway, I found myself thinking of that old chestnut while I entered the movie theater with a ticket for “Michael Clayton” clenched firmly in my hand like a precious gold coin. It had cost me $18.95 for the afternoon showing at the ArcLight Cinema.  Welcome to Hollywood.  Between Grauman’s, The El Capitan, The Grove and The Egyptian theaters, I have a wide choice of where I can choose to be fleeced. 

You might be wondering at this point, what on earth the return was on my $18.95 investment. 
Well, let’s see, I was escorted to my seat by a uniformed usher carrying a regulation penlight.  My seat reclined so I was able to dutifully annoy the person behind me.  The curtains opened and closed on cue for the coming attractions and the start of the movie itself.  And I got to hear the Best Boy and Key Grip applaud themselves during the credits.  All in all, it was money well spent…and that’s not even including the “California-Style” snack bar, er…excuse me... “Nutrition bar.”

The wondrous array at the “whatever” bar included everything from low-carb, whole grain, popcorn, with probiotic, free-radical free butter substitute.  Macrobiotic Milk Duds, Sno-Caps and Raisenettes with extra antioxidants. And of course, Gluten-free, unbleached flour nachos with a low carbon footprint and carontenoid drenched melted cheese.

And, it could all be washed down with a cool pinot grigio with a light, lingering finish, served in a plastic cup…or a Diet Coke.

Don’t even get me started on the snotty espresso barristas.

But I digress…Since I knew that this film was a “Serious George Clooney” film, I naturally assumed that it would be in black and white.  After all, the formula has remained pretty much the same for the last decade or so:  

So, I was nicely surprised to see that “Michael Clayton,” both the film and the character, were in color.

It wasn’t long before I noticed another pattern as the film played out.  We quickly learn that Clooney’s character has two brothers, one a cop and the other, one of your all around generic losers.  The one thing that the two other brothers had in common was that they were decidedly less attractive than Clooney himself.  This made me start to wonder…

Is it written into Clooney’s contract that whoever plays his brother has to be someone that won’t outshine him in the looks department?

I had to find out.

Afterwards, I spent some time researching Clooney’s filmography on the IMBD only to become so confused that I gave up within ten minutes.  So, I’m just assuming that my theory is correct. 

Apparently, “Mr. Pretty Boy” doesn’t like to be upstaged by a better looking actor.

Why am I not surprised?

Anyway, back to the film.

I would have to say that I wasn’t quite sure about what was happening on the screen.  Apparently, this was one of those “fancy pants” films where you actually had to pay attention.

I can say without reservation, however, that I haven’t seen a more poignant use equine symbolism since Oliver Hardy was reincarnated as a horse in “Flying Deuces.”

  My Rating:  3 Thumbs (one for each horse)

~The Reincarnation of Oliver Hardy~